Jasmine?
Yes. Yes!
You're late.
Well, you know I like to make an entrance.
Right this way.
Where are we going?
Right through there, sir.
Mr. President,
your wife is resting comfortably
at the moment.
Great.
Perhaps if we had gotten to her earlier...
Hey, there she is. Go on.
She doesn't look too good.
Your wife is bleeding internally,
Mr. President. Perhaps if we'd
gotten to her earlier...
Wait a minute. What are you saying?
We can't stop the bleeding.
If we'd...
There's nothing we can do for her.
We were worried.
We didn't know where you were.
I didn't know where I was either.
You got bigger, I think.
I did?
Mm-hmm.
Just keep growing and growing.
I can't...
Hey.
Can you, uh, wait outside for a little bit
so Mom can get a rest?
Hey. Come on, munchkin.
I'm so sorry that I didn't come home
when you asked me to.
Ohh...
It's OK.
The doctors...
think that you're...
gonna be just fine.
Liar.
Is Mommy sleeping now?
Yeah...
Mommy's sleeping.
Hey.
David!
What the hell are you doing?
I'm making a mess!
Yeah, this I can see.
We gotta burn the rain forest,
dump toxic waste,
pollute the air, and rip up the ozone,
'cause maybe if we
screw this planet up enough...
they won't want it anymore.
Wait, wait, wait. David, David!
Don't do this to yourself.
Listen to me.
Are you listening to me?
Everyone loses faith
at some point in their life.
David, look at myself.
I haven't spoken to God since your mother died.
Yes.
But see, sometimes,
we have to remember what we still have.
Like what?
Well...
you still have your health.
Come on, David, David. You need your rest.
Come on. Get off this freezing concrete floor
before you catch cold.
Come on.
What did you just say?
You mean about faith?
Well, you see,
a man can live his entire life...
After that. The other part.
What? What?
I don't want you to catch cold.
Duh!
What is that?
What's the matter with you?
Genius.
Genius?
My dad... a total genius.
Jim, wake up.
We got work to do.
Get everybody down here right away.
What?
Look at that.
Wow! Does that thing
really fly in outer space?
It most certainly does.
Sure doesn't look like it.
Hey, they're here.
All right, Connie, what's this all about?
I have no idea.
Get everybody off of it.
All right, everybody, clear the platform.
Let's go. Come on, come on.
Major Mitchell,
do you have a pistol?
- What? - You got a gun?
Sergeant, your sidearm.
See that, uh, Coke can
on top of the alien craft?
Think you can shoot that thing off?
Do it. Shoot it.
Sir?
Go ahead.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm sorry. My fault.
My fault.
That Coke can was protected by the craft's shield,
and we can't penetrate their defenses.
We know that already. What's your point?
Right. My point is,
if we can't beat their defenses,
then we gotta get around them.
Major, one more time. Anytime.
How did you do that?
I gave it a cold.
I gave it a virus.
A computer virus.
Are you telling us
you can send out a signal
that will disable all their shields?
That's right.
Just like they used our satellites against us,
we can use their own signal against them.
If we plant a virus into that mother ship,
it's gonna then filter down
into all the corresponding ships below.
I... I'm sorry. I don't understand.
Just how, exactly,
do we infect the mother ship
with this virus?
Well...
we're going to, uh...
have to, um, ahem,
fly their alien craft out of our atmosphere
and dock with it.
We can enter here,
as shown in these satellite photos.
We then upload the virus.
We then set off some kind of explosion,
which will disable it,
and that'll disorient the smaller ships below,
and that could buy, I think, at least some time
to, uh...
to take 'em...
take 'em out.
Take 'em down.
Do your...
do your stuff.
This is ridiculous.
How long would their shields be down?
Uh...
I don't know. A matter of minutes.
You want us to coordinate
a massive worldwide counterstrike
with a window of only a few minutes?
With the shields down, that might be possible.
Oh, please.
We don't have the manpower
or the resources
to launch that kind of a campaign.
Not to mention
that this whole cockamamie plan
is dependent on a machine
that no one in this world
is qualified to operate.
I wouldn't say that, sir.
I've seen these things in action,
and I'm well aware of their maneuvering capabilities.
With your permission, General,
I'd like the opportunity to try.
That thing is a wreck.
Crash-landed back in the fifties.
We don't even know
if it's capable of flying.
Jim, uh, remove the clamps.
Any questions?
Let's do it.
You heard the president.
Let's get this thing prepped and ready.
Good luck, pilot.
Thank you, Mr. President.
A virus.
Your idea.
That's right.
You really think
you can fly that thing?
You really think
you can do all that bullshit you just said?
Hoo.
I understand you are upset
over the death of your wife,
but that's no excuse
for making another fatal mistake.
The only mistake I ever made
was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you
as secretary of defense.
I don't think you understand...
However, that is one mistake I'm thankful to say
that I don't have to live with.
Mr. President...
Mr. Nimziki... you're fired.
Let's organize every plane we can find
and get us some goddamn pilots to fly 'em.
Yes, sir.
He can't do that.
Well, he just, uh...
did.
Command has attempted
to compile a list of casualties and losses,
but information is sketchy at best.
Well, we know we've lost
the Belgian contingent in the Sinai.
There's a strong possibility
there may be more reinforcements
hiding in the Golan Strait.
What the hell's he saying?
It seems they're getting a signal.
Old Morse code.
It's from the Americans.
They want to organize a counteroffensive.
It's about bloody time.
What do they plan to do?
We have confirmed reports of combat-ready divisions
in Europe, the Middle East, and Asia.
That's impressive,
considering it's all being done with, uh...
Morse code.
Are our forces here?
We have sufficient aircraft
for the battle plan, but...
But what, General?
Pilots are coming up short.
Well, then find 'em.
Ham radio operators from New York to Japan
trade rumors of military forces in hiding,
unwilling to reveal themselves for fear of annihilation...
What we're planning at this time
is to launch a counteroffensive.
However, with our depleted manpower,
we're asking that anyone
with any flight experience come forward.
Military training is preferable,
but anyone who can fly a plane would be useful.
I can fly.
I'm a pilot.
All right, guys, listen up.
All right, pay close attention.
These F-18s are very different
than the jets you've piloted before.
It's kind of strong.
You'll have to forgive the expression,
but you're about to get
a crash course in modern avionics.
Ugh! Keep it coming. Keep it coming.
OK. You got it.
All right, listen up. Before we can begin,
we're going to have to get
a little background information
on your flight experience.
Uh, let's start with you.
Who, me?
Uh...
Well, I'm, uh, ahem, Russell Casse, sir.
Um... and, uh,
after 'Nam, I, uh, got into crop-dusting.
And, uh, been doing that ever since.
Oh, and on a, uh, personal note, sir,
I'd just like to add that, uh...
ever since I was kidnapped by aliens
10 years ago,
I've been dying for some payback,
and I just want you to know that, uh,
I won't let you down.
You have one tactical nuclear missile
we're loading into this launcher
we're installing under the right wing.
This is the firing mechanism,
to be attached to the ship's main console.
Just like the Amraam launch pad on the Stealth.
Except the nuke will not detonate at impact.
You'll have 30 seconds to get your asses
out of there.
Good luck, gentlemen.
30 seconds.
Tell me. Tell me.
It was the strongest radio transmitter
we could get. It'll tell us
when you've uploaded the virus.
30 seconds. Don't you think that's cutting it
a little too close?
Oh, we're gonna be well on our way back home
before we shoot that thing off.
Why you?
David!
I don't... Excuse me.
I don't understand
why you can't show someone else
how to plant the virus, someone who is trained...
No, no. Something may go wrong.
I may have to think quickly,
adjust the signal.
Who knows?
Hey, you know how, like, I'm always trying
to save the planet?
Here's my chance.
Now he gets ambitious.
It's too tight.
Well, I had to borrow it.
Let me see. OK. I guess that's good enough.
So, how do I look?
Oh, thank you. You're a lot of help.
You're late.
Well, you know me.
I know. You like to make a big entrance.
Let me help you.
Um, listen...
before we do this,
I just want to say I'm sorry.
Sorry for what, babe?
I should have done this a long time ago.
Do you have the ring?
Uh, yes, sir.
Here. Make yourself useful.
Ow.
Witnesses?
- Uh... - Um...
Sorry. We got hung up.
Well, let's get this show on the road.
Dearly beloved,
we're gathered here in the sight of God
and in the presence of these witnesses
to join this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
Any person who can show good cause
why these two should not wed,
please speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Steve, will you take this woman to be your wedded wife,
to live together with her
in the holy state of matrimony?
Will you love her, comfort her,
honor and keep her in sickness and in health?
And, forsaking all others, keep yourself only for her
as long as you both shall live?
I will.
Whew.
Good morning.
They're a little young.
That they are.
They look a little nervous.
I'm gonna need all flight crews
to report to their designated areas immediately.
Major, can I borrow that?
Sir.
Good morning.
In less than an hour, aircraft from here
will join others from around the world,
and you will be launching the largest aerial battle
in the history of mankind.
Mankind. That word should have new meaning
for all of us today.
We can't be consumed
by our petty differences anymore.
We will be united in our common interests.
Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July,
and you will once again be fighting for our freedom...
not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution...
but from annihilation.
We are fighting for our right to live.
To exist.
And should we win the day...
the Fourth of July will no longer be known
as an American holiday...
but as the day when the world declared in one voice,
we will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We're going to live on!
We're going to survive!
Today we celebrate our independence day!
Let's go!
Mr. President, right this way, sir.
We got your gear over here.
I got a jumpsuit for you,
and the rest of your gear's squared away in this duffel.
You got your choice of helmets.
Mr. President, I'd sure like to know
what you're doing.
I'm a combat pilot, Will.
I belong in the air.
OK, sir. Let's get you airborne.
Right over here.
You know, as soon as I get back,
we're gonna light those fireworks, right?
Here.
Take these.
Just in case.
Where's... Where's, um...
Just in case.
I'm very proud of you.
So be careful, OK?
It's time.
I love you.
Oh, damn!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait.
We got to find some cigars.
Here! Here!
Take these.
My last two.
You are a lifesaver.
Almost put a hex on the whole damn thing.
Missile launched.
Oh, crap!
What... What did I hit?
I picked a hell of a day to quit drinking.
This is our victory dance.
Not until the fat lady sings.
Oh! Yes. OK.
This is important.
Mm. Fat lady.
I gotcha.
Open launch tunnel.
Shaky, huh?
Is it gonna do this the whole way?
Just make sure
your seat backs and tray tables
are in their upright and locked position.
Yeah... Is it?
Let's rock 'n' roll.
Oh!
Aah!
Oops.
Oops? What does that mean?
What do you mean...
Nah. I... I got it.
Some jerk didn't put the...
I know what I mean when I say it.
What do you mean saying "oops" there?
What do you say we try that one again, huh?
Yes, yes.
Yes, without the "oops."
There's the... thataway.
- Oof! - Ooh...
- Whaa... Hoo! - Aah... Oh!
I have got to get me one of these!
No... No. What was that? Don't do that.
Just trying to get a feel for the old girl,
that's all.
Oh, no... no, don't. Leave her alone.
Look! No hands.
Steve!
Ha ha ha ha!
You're all secured, sir.
Grey, do you read me?
Roger, Eagle One.
Your primary target has shifted course.
Which way are they headed?
I think our secret's out. They're headed straight for us.
ETA 26 minutes.
Still with me over there?
What the hell was I thinking?
I've been waiting for this my whole life.
Head straight for it.
What the hell...
Don't touch them! No, no, don't!
I was counting on this.
They are bringing us in.
When the hell was you gonna tell me?
Oops.
We're going to have to work
on our communication.
We have visual.
Do not engage until we've confirmed
the package has been delivered.
Roger.
Major, what happens
if... if that thing gets here...
before the virus is planted?
Well, ma'am,
this facility's buried deep within the mountain.
It should provide us some protection.
Great. What about the people outside?
Lieutenant Sayle, we got incoming.
Oh, my God.
Look at that.
There must be thousands of them,
millions of them.
What the hell are they doing?
Looks like they're preparing an invasion.
Hey, I don't like this.
This is stupid. They can see us!
Oh, no, no, no.
This thing comes fully loaded.
AM-FM radio, reclining bucket seats, and...
power windows.
Come on, baby.
We're in.
Oh.
Oh, do it. Do it.
Do it.
Sir, he's uploading the virus.
Eagle One, the package is being delivered.
Stand by to engage.
Roger. Eagle One. Check left.
Hey, listen up.
We have an emergency situation.
We need everyone to grab everything they can.
Only what you can carry.
We need to get you inside immediately.
The virus is in.
All we can do now is... pray.
Delivery complete. Engage.
Delivery complete. It's a go. It's a go.
Eagle One. Fox Three.
Gentlemen, this is it.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
God.
Virus ineffective. Disengage.
Get your people out of there.
Disengage. Rear flank, follow suit.
Hold on, Command.
I want another shot at it.
Sir, I strongly recommend you disengage.
Eagle One.
Fox Three.
Direct hit!
Squadron leaders, fire at will! Fire at will!
Fire at will!
We're going in. Squadron leaders, take point.
Eagle Six at seven.
Eagle Five at three.
Eagle One...
Fox Two!
Eagle 20. Fox Two!
Evasive maneuvers!
Squadron leaders, evasive maneuvers!
Prepare to engage!
All right, Mr. President, here we go!
All right, baby, I've got you.
Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
OK, job's done. Let's go home.
Gladly.
What's up?
We're stuck.
What?
It's not responding. It's stuck.
Then try again.
Come on! Come on!
Steve! Steve!
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
It's not me.
They're overriding the system.
Oh... shit!
Um...
hide.
Everybody hold someone's hand.
Hold hands!
Come on in.
I'm not Jewish.
Nobody's perfect.
God!
Where are they?
This could be our last night on Earth.
I... I don't want to die a virgin.
If we do...
we'll both die virgins.
But at least we'll be together.
Are you scared?
Me, too.
Eagle Seven. Fox Two.
Eagle Three. Fox Two.
We're running out of missiles, sir.
We're just not causing enough damage.
It's settling directly over us.
They're preparing to fire their primary weapon!
Then let's take it out before it takes us out.
Target at 12 o'clock.
My God, they're everywhere.
Bandits on our tail! They're locked on!
I see 'em!
All right, squadron leaders, I want weapons check.
You're outta time!
You've gotta disable it now!
I'm in range. Locking on.
I've got tone. Eagle One. Fox Two!
That is a negative impact.
That is an N.I. Negative impact.
I'm out of missiles. Eagle Two!
I'm on it.
Oh! Oh! Jesus!
Sir, all missiles have been fired.
You're out of time!
Get your ass out of there!
We're not done yet!
Get as far away as you can!
Doesn't anyone have any missiles left?
Sorry I'm late, Mr. President!
Kinda got hung up back there.
Pilot, you armed?
Armed and ready, sir.
I'm packin'.
Who is that guy?
Put him on speaker.
Pilot, identify yourself.
It's me. Russell Casse, sir.
I told you I wouldn't let you down.
Just keep those guys off me for a few more seconds,
will ya?
OK. Echo-9er, Echo-7.
Take flanking positions.
I want you to look after this guy.
All right, boys, let's give Mr. Casse some cover.
Gentlemen... let's plow the road!
We'll draw 'em off, and it'll be all yours!
Whoa-hoo! Look out! Comin' through!
I've got tone.
Eagle 20. Fox Two.
It's jammed!
It won't fire.
Damn it!
Do me a favor.
Tell my children...
I love them very much.
All right, you alien assholes!
In the words of my generation...
up yours!
Dad! What's he doing?
Come on, baby!
Come on, baby! Come on!
Good luck, buddy.
Hello, boys!
I'm back!
He did it!
The son of a bitch did it!
All right!
What your father did was very brave.
You should be proud of him.
I am.
Now we know how to take them out, General.
Spread the word.
Get on the wire
to every squadron around the world.
Tell 'em how to bring those sons of bitches down.
What do you think?
Checkmate.
Wow, it's funny.
I always thought that things like these
would kill me.
Thank you.
It's been a pleasure.
Steve, you, too.
There's only one thing left to do.
Ready?
Yes, sir.
Hey! All right!
Hey, hey!
Look at us!
Take a look at the Earthlings.
Good-bye!
Y'all take care, all right?
Nothin' but love for ya.
Do you think they have any clue
what's about to happen to 'em?
Oh, not a chance in hell.
Good night.
Peace!
Ohh!
We're loose.
Can you get us out of here
in 30 seconds?
I ain't heard no fat lady!
Forget the fat lady.
You're obsessed with the fat lady.
Drive us outta here.
Ohh! They're chasing us.
Oh, really? You think?
Oh, that was a hit. I took a hit.
We're not hit! We're not hit!
Stop side-seat driving.
Left, left. Tunnel, tunnel.
Exit, exit. Left!
Where the hell do you think I'm going?
Ok, we-we-we're, uh...
Uh-oh, they're closing up on us.
Is that closing?
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Must go faster. Must go faster.
- Go, go, go, go! - Aaaaahh!
Aaaaahh!
Aah!
Elvis has left the building!
Thank you very much.
Ohh! I love you, man.
They're going down all over the world, Tom.
We got 'em beat.
How about our two delivery boys?
Any word from them?
We lost contact
with Captain Hiller and Levinson
nearly 20 minutes ago.
Hold it!
Hold on, sir.
I've got something on radar.
Sorry, sir.
Good job.
Thank you.
Well done, Captain.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
David...
not bad.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Not too bad at all.
Oh, so this is healthy?
Oh, I could get used to it.
Happy 4th of July, Daddy.
Same to you, munchkin.
Didn't I promise you fireworks?
Yeah.